I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
he fucked my hip out of place.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize
