She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
