i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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