lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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