im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
