Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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