My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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