When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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