the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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