omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
