I'm so fucking centered right now
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
