I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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