the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
