i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
