I cannot find my penis.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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