after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
