Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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