Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
