Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
