Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
