i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
