Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
