Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
4 words: hood of his car
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
