I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
