Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
