I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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