I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
