Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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