Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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