Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
