Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Randomize
