I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
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My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
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I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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