hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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