You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize