I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
