I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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