Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
