If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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