the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
