chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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