All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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