Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
