fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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