3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
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I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
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He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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