You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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