I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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