just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
no you cant smoke seaweed
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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