Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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