Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
