Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
