May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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