if i can run in heels then i can drive
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
