Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
