u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
