she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
