are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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