im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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