He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
