Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
