my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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