1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
