what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
