Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
