I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
