i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Church boner. Awkwardddd
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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