turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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