I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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