About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
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I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize