This girl is more easily done than said...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
