Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
