oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
should my penis look like a turkey
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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