i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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