Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Still dying that you shit outside
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
