walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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