I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
