So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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