I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
