last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Randomize
