After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
